An Update

So life is fabulous, although not being in Germany feels like there is a huge chunk missing from my life. I've done alright adjusting and handling the reverse cultural shock. Thank goodness for the invention of Skype. I chat weekly with my lovely host family. I miss them so much. The hardest things in adjusting back to USA life were to remember to always speak English (since nobody understands German around here) and to get used to eating American food. I have adapted and kept so many German cultural things in my style of life...biggest one is eating the European style with the fork in left hand and knife in right hand. Also, I am constantly cooking German meals with recipes from Heidi's kitchen.

So, I'm currently in Provo, Utah attending Brigham Young University. As of now, I'm planning to major in Neuroscience and minor in Harp Performance... we'll see where that takes me. I started my new job this past Monday, and I start classes this coming Monday. I am very excited to begin the next adventurous chapter of my life.

Home, but different....

After 26 hours of traveling, I'm HOME! But it's different, or I'm different. So that just makes it hard.

A friend from my CBYX group wrote this, but it describes my exact feelings:

but on top of that ... my heart is still in germany. i'm trying so hard to just be brave and it'll all be ok. i'm trying to just take in all the good and leave out anything i now consider bad

it's soooo hard to get off the plane and hear english exclusively and be looked down upon for speaking something else, it's hard to throw all your trash away in one container, it's hard to see friends you've come to realize things about that you don't want to, it's hard to sleep in a bed that is not my own in a room without rolladas in a house that is huge and has air-conditioning but no heating. it's all so very hard .. and it's only the beginning

Also, adding something, it's hard for me to speak only English. I can no longer throw in those German words and still be understandable. It was really hard while I was traveling too. When saying thank you or asking a question to strangers, it naturally came out in German. That was followed by a weird/confused look from the stranger. Oops.

Well, time to start a new chapter in my life. I hope I'll get through this reverse cultural shock quickly. :D

Time is running out...

Can't believe this. I'm really going home. It can't possibly be true. Everything is so surreal. I don't even know what to do with myself. My emotions are unexplainable....just everything mixed together.

My host family, my life here in Germany was so perfect. Everything I had expected happened, and more. It really couldn't have been better. I'm so very grateful for how blessed I am.


My family:

Now I have to go through Reverse Cultural Shock. That'll be an interesting experience...

5 days left of school!!!!

You have no idea how happy I am for Winter Break. :D

I seriously can't wait to be out of school. I mean, school isn't horrible, but it's not exactly ideal either. I am often so lost in classes cause my German isn't superb yet, or I'm zoning out cause I'm just too exhausted to concentrate on understaning German. It's crazy how much energy is sucked out of you when you're trying to understand the world in a different language. It's also just awkward to be in class. I can't participate, or if I try then everybody stares at the American girl trying to speak German. They all say that I speak good German, but I feel quite the opposite.

Last week in my Religion class, the discussion was about why people believe in God and about the different beliefs of creationism (I think). Then suddenly my Religion teacher, who often completely ignores me, turned to me and asked me something about how religion is taught in schools in America. I was caught completely off guard. I wasn't even sure if I was understanding what they were talking about. So hoping that I was understanding right, I pretty much told him that that we don't have religion classes, and that we only learn about evolution in Biology. Sheesh, every single person staring at me as I struggled to explain this in my not-so-good German. Then my Religion teacher politely smiled, thanked me, and continued talking about something or other. I don't know if I had understood correctly or what. Ha...oh well.

Yep, so only 5 more days. Friday evening I'm going with my host parents to see Laura perform in the school musical. Then right after that we are leaving for Austria. I'm so excited! We're going to be gone for 10 days, and 8 of those days are skiing!!!

Adjusting to life in Germany

"I Have Confidence" from Sound of Music

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

(...)

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
(...)
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

So yep, some days are harder than others. Some days it's so hard to live in a different culture, to go through school and hardly understand anything, to be surrounded by a foreign language, and so on. I sometimes wish that I could be back in the US, back to normality. Sometimes I wonder why I'm putting myself through this.
Don't worry, I'm definitely not going home early or anything. I do really love it here in Germany! I just have to adjust to this new way of life; it is all part of cultural shock. But hey, I have confidence!